No New (Work) Friends
How we lost coworkers and why it matters.
It’s hard to name my biggest pandemic losses because they were so trivial compared to the real loss that people endured starting in 2020. The pandemic hit at an “opportune” time in my life. And I got lucky that my biggest disruption was my wedding1. But one of the biggest losses, one that was less obvious back then, compounded over time.
And it was the loss of community.
In particular, the loss of coworker friendships.
Some of my closest former coworkers weren’t just work friends.
They became real friends.
We celebrated life together, attending weddings, cheering on promotions and even traveled together2.
And we went through the hardest parts of life together: deaths, breakups, layoffs, health scares…you name it.
I didn’t feel the loss so intensely as the pandemic hit in 2020, because, well, I was operating on existing relationships built in the office.
But over time, as the pandemic wore on, remote work became increasingly isolating. And when I started a new job remotely, it was nearly impossible to build new relationships.3
The reality of work, today
Most of my clients now face this new reality: relationships built over zoom and slack.
If they’re lucky they get to go into an office.
But more often than not, they’re not socially rooted into work anymore.
I grew obsessed with graphic from Adam Grant:
Because it articulates why remote work is so hard.
And, why it’s so isolating.
We know the loneliness epidemic is real. But what happens when you double click into the work relationships that fell to the wayside?
From Axios…
The share of U.S. workers who say they know their coworkers personally has fallen from around 80% in 2019 to around 67% today, the WSJ reports.
Yikes.
And it turns out companies suffer as a result.
Best friends at work drive retention, according to Gallup.
As I became more and more disillusioned with “cool” companies and “innovative products,” I became much more concerned with who I was working with.
My personal dream is to work with people that I love working with.
Clients I work with now care most about the potential to create real impact but mostly the people they work with.
PMs are burning out on turnover, bait and switch company missions and fancy compensation packages.
Now, more than ever, PMs want to work for and with good people who give an f about their potential to grow.
So what do we do when we live constrained to a tiny video screen?
Creating Coworkers
When I was working corporate in the post-pandemic world, I considered joining co-working spaces and/or spending 2hrs+ a day commuting (ew) to be in the office, just to talk to my west-coast team. I never took building IRL co-working relationships seriously.
It wasn’t until I started working for myself that I started building my own kind of community. Because if I didn’t, I’d be more isolated than I ever was.
And I went from zero daily IRL human interaction working corporate to…
Joining a community space
Launching a community space for coaches4
Hosting community events for my favorite networking group: The Old Girls Club
Meeting clients in person (yes, its a perk!)
And this week, attending a coaching retreat in person in Denver!
I took way too long to create the community I needed.
I can’t rewrite history but, I can be the catalyst for you if you’re feeling stuck.
This is your sign.
If you’re working remotely, time to get outside your home and find your own coworkers.
I promise, it’ll feel really good.
Hi, I’m Jori and I’m a NYC based Product Coach.
I run an IRL Product Breakfast Series in NYC (join me for the next one June 25th!)
I run an online community for Coaches. If you’re a Coach, come on in.
Special thanks to all my former coworkers and newbie coworkers who inspired this post. I’m lucky to know you. 😍
And then I had TWO weddings because of it, so not a real loss.
I’ve hit 5 countries with Belen, alone!
Thankfully I brought an old coworker along for the ride. And yes, I still made some good ones remotely. Thank god for Slack.
Which gives me an excuse to host IRL events.
Obviously LOVING this post <3 - can't wait to meet up in IRL soon soon xx